siesta

SO I'M OUT EXPERIMENTING AGAIN, AND YES, I STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHY THIS JUST WANTS TO WRITE IN CAPITALS! BUT MAYBE THAT IS THE WAY EVERYTHING WILL BE FROM SIERRA LEONE - YELLING!!  SO YOU ALL CAN HEAR ME FROM ACROSS OCEANS AND MOUNTAINS!!  LOL  OH YEAH, AND NO PARAGRAPHES EITHER!!  ANYWAY, SO I'M HANGING OUT IN MY HAMMOCK SOMEWHERE BETWEEN FISHKILL RIDGE AND MOUNT BEACON. I'VE GOT SOME DECENT PICTURES BUT NOT SURE HOW I WANNA HANDLE THEM FROM THE PHONE HERE.  I'M EATING A NICE LUNCH OF COLD CHICKEN SAUSAGES AND CHEESE AND CRACKERS. I NEED SOME VEGGIES HERE BUT LEFT EARLY IN MORNING AND DIDN'T GET ANY ON THE WAY.  OTHERWISE, IT'S COLD, 54F (11C) AND GETTING COLDER IT SEEMS, DESPITE WHAT THOSE LIEING METEOROLOGIST WOULD HAVE US BELIEVE!! LOL.  THE REAL ISSUE IS THE GEAR. THE WOOL IS GREAT FOR WARMTH AND QUICK DRYING, BUT IT IS NOT WOVEN INTO A DOUBLE LAYERED WICKING FABRIC TO PULL THE MOISTURE AWAY FROM MY SKIN. MEANING, WALKING IN MY COLD SWEAT DOESN'T HELP, NOR WILL WALKING IN MY HOT SWEAT IN SALONE (SL). BUT I'LL TAKE THAT HOT WEATHER OVER THIS COLD STUFF ANY DAY!!  THINKIN TO JUMP INTO MY SLEEPING BAG HERE, BREAK OUT MY BOOK, "HOW EUROPE UNDERDEVELOPED AFRICA", AND SEE WHAT COMES OF IT!! I'M THINKIN A NAP!! ;)

Another day in the life...

And as is life... with every positive, there must always be a negative, for you can not have one without the other as life could then never find its balance...

The day (Friday) was going so well.  I had been in the city in the morning, walked across Manhattan, gotten my visa... jumped on a train back upstate, and even got to Beacon and found NO parking ticket for my forced night in the city!!  Good stuff.  I said my hello's to my people in Beacon, went into Mountain Tops and poked around, tried on the Vibram treks, chatted it up, and then headed out.  I grabbed a snack on my way towards taking the scenic route through Wiccopee and where the Appalachian trail runs through it on my way home.  Sun was out, gorgeous autumn day.  Upon getting in, my new phone was there.  I spent the next couple hours trying to figure out what the heck all this technology stuff was, and then headed off to spend some time with my grandparents...

Whoops..  Half way there... CRASH!!  I got in a car accident.  I completely wrecked my car in a three car accident.  Everyone else there seemed to by OK (some nice people I might add which don't deserve to have had their day and car's in shambles).  I certainly seemed to get the worst of it, both personally and for my car.  I just sat there completely dazed...  what and end to a day, to a lot really.  But I'll be fine, I've had worse collisions on the football field - and one only a couple of weeks ago.  

The real travesty in all this though is to my psyche and life scenario.  I have struggled for years in always putting my principles and ideals so much above life's practicalities.  Always "living in the world as I want it to be" - which I completely believe in and will continue to do.  No matter what general practices are, I will do everything I can to be honest and ethical, even at my own expense - which it usually seems to be.  This makes life very difficult.  People don't pay people to be nice.  I carry different priorities than most and as a result I tend to have to struggle.  Here I am unemployed, looking for work for over a year, on food stamps, in the application process for Medicaid, and still struggling to put together the funds to go on a three month humanitarian trek in West Africa - a smaller part of my incessant effort to try to make a difference.  All the while I am fielding questions about "what I am thinking", "what is wrong with me", "why can't I just balance my ideals with real life?" (i.e. compromise them).  I am pretty much standing on my own to try to make a difference.  (yes, I do have some great support from a few... you know who you are!!)

Anyway, I have been running completely against the grain for years, I have no money, that car was my only real asset, I am staying with my parents, taking state assistance (and hearing about it from people), and all the while trying to make the world a 'better' place for the future of humanity, and to get myself better qualified to do this.  But I just... can't... catch a break.  Living in the Hudson Valley you have to have a car.  I am already losing friends and contacts because I live a long way away from people and am not in a position to spend money on gas versus money on this project.  Yet, if I take a job for a couple weeks or take a job that sacrifices time and compromises principles, then I am not living by my beliefs or example.  Now, with no car and no public transportation in the area, I am in a really tough spot.  Never mind when I return.  I had work set up, but now have no car.  It changes things.  I had security to return to from this incredibly insecure venture.  Now, I almost have to either come back from Sierra Leone with a job here, or find one there.  Both my personal and emotional safety nets vanished into the back of that minivan...

But it is tough times that challenge us and make us stronger.  I feel at times like I am doing nothing but "training" to make myself stronger, yet I'm never actually getting to use my strength.  I just can't find that place within the system that allows me to shine and do the type of work I believe in and am capable of.  That day, of course, will come... but it wasn't yesterday...  ;) 

Progress...

So orders have begun to be made, and connections situated.  My registry is shrinking quickly.  I have now ordered my phone and the keyboard.  I have gotten a map and some other things of that sort.  My pot was donated and on its way.  :)  I need to get back to the can stove concept and get one of those made up over here so I can experiment a bit with it. 

The big thing I did yesterday though was head over to Mountain Tops, a local store in Beacon, NY.  They are really good people and the type of store that I would like to support.  I am oging to try to go through them for the rest of what is on my list to obtain.  Obviously I am thoroughly dictated by budget and price, but if they can match a price, I'll get it there.  They were very supportive of my trip.

My immedidate goal in going over there was to see if they had the Vibram Five Fingers Smartwool version, which they did.  So I walked out with them.  So excited... NATURAL FIBERS!!!  Amazing how I can immediately feel the difference... energy...  :)  nice.  So that gives me two pairs to take with.  I'd like to have three, but without a sponsor it just doesn't seem feasible...  They also had some natural fiber toe socks for them - one bamboo and one wool.  I also tried on the Vibram Flow which is for colder weather and water.   They were a bit tight as they are full foot and my fat 4E feet are averse to confinement!!  But they would be fine.  They were very flexible.  Good stuff, would be a good investment for both when I get back and for any water type stuff I would do over there (they are made of wet suit material).  But that's wishful thinking...  :-/

Anyway, I would love to be able to establish a relationship with a local store such as Mountain Tops.  This trip will not be the first time I do this type of trip.  The world is huge, and there are a lot of people in need... Beacon is also the type of place that I would  look to first to locate a non-profit upon my return.  Good community of people.  All things considered, it was a good couple days...