Fuckin A!!

So yeah, I've been piecing things together and starting to feel quite comfortable in the directions things are going.  I was going to have maybe 10 hours of nannying a week and 8 hours on Sundays at a farmers market to supplement it all.  These gave me a little something to sustain life with while working to find more work and make other things work out.  The farmers market was in this incredible workers cooperative and had soooo much potential to become something more, something that I might even be able to bring into my other projects and incorporate it all together.  But the they just had money stolen, like thousands of dollars that is needed to prepay for produce.  So it has to close as it can't buy veggies for this week.  It may not be permanent.  But a days worth of work for good pay and produce.  Gone.  The hiking store doesn't pay, the political party is compromised and ethically devoid, nannying..... Well that's good.  But its over tomorrow.  A few hours a week still maybe.  Before I had a couple things, now I have to really get after it again.  Why do all these things keep falling apart?  What is it that make businesses so hard to maintain here?  So many people trying to make ends meet, so few managing to do it.  If you have any ethical bone in you, you have to compromise it jsut to make ends meet.  So sad.

Step back, reassess

It's been a long month.  I've really started focusing on a few specific things and this sustainable occupy project has really been received well.  I should post the first draft of its concept and then some other things as well in here somewhere.  We are having our first full meeting of it tonight.  Excited.  Sadly most of the crew I tried to pull in hasn't gotten to excited, but there still will be at solid 7 or 8 people there tonight, and that is about what I had hoped to start off with.

The Africa work is as well moving forward.  Yapo and I have been emailing back and forth every day or two for weeks now.  Making plans, getting things moving forward.  It has been really tough now though as I'm flat out mannying 50 hours a week, had car issues that took away the free time on the weekends, and just started this farmers market job.  The hiking place fell through.  Amazing story.  I said I didn't feel comfortable working for them until they could pay me and they responded by saying they were going to let me go because they didn't think I was committed enough to the company or working as a guide.  As if everyone should work for free for the owners longer-term benefit... Crazy!  But I think I'm gonna try to sit for the hiking guide exam in September anyway.  It could lead to some doors that I might not mind being open some day.

Anyway, the Africa stuff is looking quite positive and with the other things bringing enough income in to live, I should be ok.  I've got time to put into sustainable occupy and alternative systems research, and the development work in Sierra Leone, the two things I am really excited about right now.  Things are going pretty well.

Segrating 'em early

Its so interesting seeing nanny behavior, and kids behavior.  Everyone seems to segregate themselves.  The white kids mostly play with white kids, black with black.  Maybe it's because of who they come there with, friends/family, or maybe its just where the playgrounds that they play in.  Of the two main playgrounds we go to, there are very different social circles and racial mixes.  The kids part that question is tough to get to far into without a lot of time and research though.  Most obviously to me right now is the nanny cliques that are so obviously segregated.  

I just left the library where the Caribbean crew of nanny's was.  They were all sitting around a table on tiny kids chairs, chatting away and texting on their phones while the kids ran rampant through the library under half an eye's supervision.  Somehow it fit so profoundly into stereotyped actions I've seen somewhere, movies or something.  Then of course there was the one white nanny with an Irish look to her, all alone and with a somber look on her face seemingly hoping for friends! 

And then here I am at the (mostly white kids) playground and here's the Asian nanny contingent (I heard later they are mostly Tibetan).  They are all speaking their local languages, but again segregated out, and the kids with them.  Mind you they pretty much all have white kids they are watching.  Then of course there are the kids that come themselves, they come in groups.  A lot here are middle school aged or after even. They stick to racial lines it seems as well.  Not sure why.  I can't understand how they aren't all just mixed as the neighborhood is and the playground would seemingly offer years of that possibility.  I'm looking for me at that age, walking up to George just cause he was new and didn't seem to know anyone.  And there where I grew up, he was a true minority.  Funny that in Brooklyn you wouldn't see that.  Things almost seem more segregated here.  Living amongst each other in strong enough numbers that you don't have to mix.

Not sure what these observations really mean, kids are kids and the dynamics are beyond simple observations.  But the nanny part of it to me was quite interesting and profound.  I mean the girl I look after has a best friend due to their nanny's being friends.  Their parents have nothing in common and are actually quite opposite.  but the kids are friends.  Latino nanny's, white kids that became best friends.  My brother categorized the one crew as the Nordic Nanny Mafia.  This was apparently the crew that I was co-mingled with.  And odd way to chose friends.  And even more interesting to see the way these social dynamics play out on such incredibly different levels of society. 

But anyway, segregated nannying... Odd.

night and day.

So today was a very interesting day in a lot of ways again, as have the last couple been.  I've been working non-stop now that I'm nannying and have some really exciting projects I'm getting into.  Yesterday was the epitome.  Nannying all day and then getting in the door and to work.  Dealing with everything from early child development, to rape in the military, to a piece I wrote for the metroOccupied newspaper, to Women in Sierra Leone, to Sustaining Occupy's future, etc.  So much to do and getting pretty tired.  Haven't been able to run at all really, but I guess walking everywhere with the little'n counts for something.  Not to mention that it was sweltering hot today.

Anyway, so there are two things of interest today:  One, I taught the little'n a new word it seems.  So on my phone I have pictures of a baby duck and chicken that were incubated here and were living in the bathtub.  She asks to see them almost every time I take out my phone.  Now of course in between the two sets of pictures I have of them are a bunch of pictures protesting in times square and against police violence in the Bronx.  She asked "what is that" when I first showed them to her and had to cycle through the protesting pics.  "oh, that's protesting".  She never really said anything, but each time would just say, "protesting" as we went from one set of duck and chick to the next.  Until today!  We were getting ready to go out and she says: "aren't we going to protesting?" I laugh of course and she then proceeds to say it over and over and over again every time we get ready to leave the house!!  I couldn't stop laughing!!  Best thing though... I told mom, and mom is all for it!!  sweet!!

Of course the second juxtaposition today was running from my nannying gig to an event in a home with a picture of the owner shaking hands with Obama at some swanky soiree with more fancy cheeses than I could eat in a week - and I can eat a lot!  It was a book launch that involved a legal organization that I am now close to a few people at.  I mean, it was the type of day that throws the contradictions in your life in so many directions.  On the subway ride I'm working on women's education in Sierra Leone, then I'm in Bed-Stuy as a white male nanny looking after a small white girl in a predominantly black neighborhood.  I of course have just broken back above the two digit dollar amount for cash on hand and am completely broke.  Yet, then there I am standing next to people that stand next to the president, in a building that looks like it, and with cheese that smells like it.

To go from such poverty and segregation, to such prosperity and privilege in a matter of a few minutes is so odd.  I mean, who am I when I'm in Bed-Stuy?  And then who am I when I'm in that room.  I'm both poor and I'm rich.  I will never be able to fit in.  In my mind and my upbringing I am always privileged, and it has nothing to do with money and such, it is about where I grew up, who I am, and the color of my skin.  I am a white suburban guy that expects to be listened to, and is used to being heard.  I go to African-American neighborhoods, I pledge in an African-American fraternity, I even if I have no money at all, I am still privileged without wanting to know it.  And this is right, and I can FEEL it.  I always believe.  This is the one thing that I don't feel from many people I talk to in marginalized communities, they don't believe, they don't trust in the future.  I don't mean this to beat them down, but they have been shit on for years and don't necessarily believe that is going to change for the most part - they hope maybe, but to believe in your core is different.  In my soul I know I'll be ok.  I believe I will make a difference in the world, I believe that I will find a way through, that I will make it work.  I am educated, I am experienced, I have talents, I will be fine.  The way I grew up gave me this belief.  So many others didn't have this luxury.  They are intelligent, experienced, have talents, but they get stopped and frisked every day, they passed over for jobs, end up in substandard schools, and are more readily institutionally pushed into jails and homes.  I felt this conflict today as I switched back and forth between my lives.       

Mannying!

So here I am, an economic minded anthropological historian type with sociologist tendencies and political interests. Degree-ed up, experienced up, and now nannyed up!!  I kind of dig it though!  Not bad.  I mean the last few days I have been inundated into a world of domestic servitude, illegal immigrants, black economics, and underemployability.  I am of course not the typical nanny.  I am a white male legally capable of working here.  And while it may be easy to find one or two of those characteristics in a nanny, all three is tough!  People immediately assume I'm the father.  Which makes it tough to get into the nanny gossip at the playground, but I'm working my way in!  It's truly interesting.  Hearing how the whole game works, how different families are, and how far money goes in our world is always incredible.

Here we are living in the "great" United States of America, where - as is being reinforced - the disparity amongst us all economically starts at such a young age with childcare!  When I was living in the Czech Republic they had three years of paid maternity/paternity leave.  The pay itself decreased each year, but still the state paid for people to take the time to raise their children.  When the time was up (and you could go back early) you got a similar level job with your same company.  Here in the US you get six weeks unpaid time and then it's straight back to work and to be made to feel bad about it.

What do you do with the children though once you are back to work?  Well, if you have the cash you hire a nanny.  If you don't have that much you send them to daycare, but, if like most of us you can't do much more than pay your bills and eat, you're pretty much screwed.  Or I should say, your children are pretty much screwed.  If you want to raise them yourself you can't work.  If you need to work to eat and don't get any state support to take care of your kids, to bad.  You are forced to make decisions between putting food on the kid's tables or raising them yourself.  Which I think is a bit hypocritical given so much rhetoric about the importance of the nuclear family. 

The bottom line is that it did not always used to be like this.  My grandfather (and much of his generation) raised a family on a single income with a stay at home mom.  This is not longer possible for current generations.  He was able to earn a solid middle class wage, own a home, go on vacations, and support a wife and three kids.  I think of myself and my generation now and wonder how we could ever do that.  We have a trillion dollars in student debt, and if we can even get a decent job, real wages haven't gone up since the 1970's.  If I want to own a home in the new york metropolitan area my combined household income needs to be at least 100,000 dollars for just small apartments in outer boroughs or shacks in deepest darkest suburbia.  Add in existing debts such as the student one, the burgeoning credit card issues so many have as they try to tie up loose ends.  Couple this with the continuing innovation and addition of goods such as TV's and computers needed for daily existence (just to find jobs and stay informed on a level playing field), and you've got this massive consumerist and competitive culture that just has us all just trying keep up with.  We can no longer raise a family on a single income, and are in fact struggling to manage it with two.

So if that's the case, who looks after our kids when we are off at work?  I remember when they called us latch key kids when I was growing up.  Kids who had keys to the home so they could let themselves in when they got home from school.  But this isn't what I'm referring to at all.  We're talking about the first three or so years of life as babies and toddlers before there's any school to go to.  When we learn to eat, crawl, walk, play, talk, and think coherently amongst a host of other things.  Bottom line is that this is the gaping hole in our child development/care system in the US, and it is the most vulnerable time in a child's life.

In many European countries they have ways to try to allow mothers and fathers to be able to be active parts of this development every day and all day.  Here so many people aren't and in my opinion, the child and society suffer the most.  As one nanny said today, "in my country (from northern europe) we don't have any problems with bullying.  Here, in my kickboxing and grappling gym, we've got kids from 5 years and up coming in to learn to be able to stand up to bullys." Our society in America has a huge problem with this. She speculated as to why (she's been here 6 years, studying and nannying), claiming she though it was because these kids weren't actually being cared for, weren't being given attention and consistent familial attention. This of course is a long standing view of mine as well.

Capitalism, while it pretty much commodifies everything, does not create a market or allow for a financial value to be put on personal domestic care and housework within our own families. Yes of course, you can pay someone else to care for your kids. But not get paid to care for your own kids.  It was stated on several occasions today that almost all nanny's end up putting their kids in day care so they can care for other people's kids. There is something inherently wrong about that. No one gets to be raised by their own parents unless they are so wealthy as to not have to work.  But even then, there is an entirely different category of people with so much money they just can't be bothered.  They hire a nanny even though they don't work!  It was this demographic that the one nanny was so worried about.  The kids that lack any disciplining or sense of value.  She sighted one incredibly rich family in Manhattan she'd worked for that had one child that was so out of control he had thrown a rock at the nanny's face, shattering the eye socket (without remorse or punishment).  The same child had also apparently thrown his aunts dog in a pool, and when told that he couldn't do that because it couldn't swim and would drown, that he then went back later at night when no one was around and did it again - killing the dog.  His punishment?  He had to say he was sorry to his Aunt.  Nothing more.

She continued to discuss this as a pattern.  The raising of children with little coherent or consistent disciplinary structure as a huge root of many issues.  That when these kids break things there is no sense of lose, or repercussions, for they are simply replaced without a learning or value lesson being imposed at all. 

The fact is, that we have transformed our society's child raising ways over the last several decades into one that is not beneficial to either children or our societies.  Parents and children detaching from each other at six weeks.  Day care and nannying, where caregivers turn over monthly if not weekly.  And this is of course only for those who can afford it.  Otherwise, its grandparents, friends, neighbors, parents who forgo work and income, or who knows what to look after children.  This of course opens a while different pot of familial and marital struggles over family dynamics, finances, etc. 

It seems like such a simple concept to me.  Take care of your children: schooling, housing and food, love and discipline, whatever.  But that is not what our society here does.  We leave everyone to their own accord, while still forcing everyone collectively to deal with the consequences.  Children not raised with care and concerted concern can easily become burdens upon all of society if, or as, they lash out.

I am only two days into it.  But just seeing the market for the industry and how it seems to work on so many different levels, it reaffirms my worries about this country.  Take care of your young, poor, and sick and you will maintain a civilized society capable of great things.  We used to be able to do this to some extent a couple generations ago.  And while our methods haven't changed, our surroundings and economics has.  We haven't changed with it and we're getting further into trouble.  

Manny!!

So I've got a job!  Yes, I am going to be molding youth!  I met Saturday evening with a mother and daughter and will be working starting next Monday as a Nanny (now pushed up to tomorrow!).  It is a short term gig, 6 weeks total, but full time and for good pay.  It will really be a great way to get myself back on my feet and buy some time while I work to see what else can pan out.

It is funny too with everything.  It all comes crashing in together.  I was waiting on the Nanny idea before I got too far into the other stuff, but when I didn't hear back right away I had to make an "all eggs in one basket call" and apply for the painting position.  Wouldn't you know that I got offered the Nanny job and then within two days I got a call back from the painting company for an interview not but a few minutes after I got a call from an Occupy friend about some possible work doing organizing and/or historical research involving unions.  It comes in waterfalls!!  This last one is obviously really exciting at first glimpse, but I'll find out more on Thursday.

As for the painting, the interview ended up being canceled due to some kind of an "emergency".  But they said they'd get back in touch with me.  Maybe they googled me and found out I was a dirty hippie that lives in parks!!  Haha!!  I haven't heard back for two days now...  As it is though, they want me to be using my car (which I'm about to go under on), while not paying me nearly enough to live on (nevermind pay for gas and get the car fixed up for regularly use).  But this job - like most - just doesn't pay enough to sustain life.  Yes, they talked to me about advancement there and such, but we all know that painting isn't really going to be the thing that I get excited about for the future.  Full time painting houses for 10 or 12 bucks and hour?!  To live in NYC and have a car to head upstate in emergencies?  Huh!?

I think we all face this issue at times.  You have to have a job to eat, to live.  But then what?  What if the job itself isn't enough to live and eat?  If I need a car to do the job, but I need a better salary to keep the car to keep the job, what do I do?  Live out of the car?  Yeah, I've done that, it's not sustainable.  And while many people may think that you do what you have to do to move forward in life.  At what point does a society step back and look at itself and say, hey, we've got way too many people living in cars!  When there are so many jobs that do no pay living wages it is time to reassess things.  That is of course where I think we are of course, but just that we haven't realized on such a large scale that our lives are simply not sustainable.

So that is why I Occupy.  I hope that we can change that living situation for so many people.  That is also why I will become a nanny.  It pays well, will be enjoyable, and in this case is short term which will allow me to keep moving forward looking for other career work (and keep occupying).  I will only have till September to stay where I am.  So I have to put the pressure on here.  It would be great if the labor research opportunity would come through as something real and sustainable.  But as with all of these things, there will always be some conflict, some compromise that I will have to make to move forward.  Will it be the subject matter?  The pay?  The type of convictions within the organizations?  Who knows... but it will be interesting all the same!!  Forward we must.      

Moving Forward(ish)

So this week has seen a lot of different things come and go.  I have spent a lot of time looking for work for now, but also working on finding a way forward for the longer term.  Of late though, it's mostly been about conflict.  no matter what it is that we do in life it conflicts with something that we either believe in or should/must do.  I've been getting a lot of advice of late an it all seems pretty much unmanageable.  No matter what I do, whether it's in life or specific situations, there is no victory.  If I get a job in international development like my experience and degrees point to, in some people's eyes I run the risk of becoming a colonialist, imperialist, or even a missionary.  I can of course stay working where I am and just not get paid for the too few hours that I'm working.  But even then, the job is really just another capitalist wage-labor position bowing down to the man (not paying me).  I've applied to do commercial interior painting, I followed up on a nannying lead for a toddler.  Applied to more retail, and got a networked in an application for post-conflict reconstruction work.  Who knows what if anything will bare fruit.  Yapo has also come back with some work he needs done on a prospective funding line from England.  I am not sure it is feasible though at first glimpse.  But will get further in as I can.


The heart and soul of my time has been of course on Occupy stuff though.  I am really getting further into this sustainability issue.  We have to find a way to sustain the movement's individuals in a way that leaves them empowered and energized to progress the movement.  We also need to try to find a prefigurative way to illuminate the inequities of the current system by showing that another way is possible - and functional - under current auspices.

I've had some really good conversations with a number of people about it and am starting to see a solid research project, and maybe even a group for moving forward.  It would certainly be a long slow project, but ten years from now the movement will be judged on what it achieved, not how long it took to map out a structure for success.

So there we are: I am trying to juggle life, work, occupy, and social relationships and whatever else gets thrown in there that day.  I know as per societies wishes I should just be settling in and working away.  But that is just what keeps the cycle going.  If I stay both dumbed and numbed down the status quo will maintain and most of our lives will just continue to lag behind just a few.  But I can't and won't allow it.  We will all find a way forward personally and professionally, so that we can keep working on finding a way forward for the movement and in turn a more economic and socially just society.  The journey of 10,000 feet starts with a single step....