Ooops..... update to the Barriers to Entry..... it seems that the $17,000 I made in 2011 exceed the $15,600 threshold I need for the fee waiver on the application fees. It doesn't matter that in the last year I haven't made $5600 dollars, only that over a year ago I made slightly more than the threshold. What about now? What about that I haven't made much of anything since and have been living off of the assistance of others right now? As if the only people that need fee waivers are the perpetually poor, not the recently unemployed or underemployed. Does poverty only exist in line with the tax year? No, it is endemic and symptomatic of American society, yet we can't even offer education for our citizens to bring themselves out of poverty. Basically, the system that's fucked you, just keeps on fucking you. That's no meritocracy. That's capitalism.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
The Barriers to Entry
So I am applying to PhD programs again this year. But as is the American motto, it takes money to make money (or even to try to get the chance to learn how to make money). This is an issue for me. I am poor. I have made maybe 4 to 5,000 dollars this year so far. I've been staying places for free, working whenever I could find money - political fundraising, childcare, construction, catering, whatever. All the while looking for real work and doing volunteer stuff. Nothing has been materializing in my over/underqualified world.
So here I am, back to the old dream and applying for schools. This of course is met with a broad smack in the face at America's true shame: the barriers to entry faced by low income individuals. To get into programs I need to "apply widely" (as I've been advised) to increase my chances of entry. This is something I intended to, but did not do last year for various reasons mostly revolving around my involvement with Occupy. But the shear barriers to be able to apply to a number of programs are immense. Between application fees, the cost of sending GRE scores ($25 per school), and transcripts ($25 to send them from all three schools that I attended), is a lot of money. If I want to apply to ten schools, that is $250 for the GRE scores, and then another $250 for one set of transcripts each (though many schools require you to send two), before you even look at application fees. The cost of fees which are usually between $75 and $100. So that's $12-1500 to apply to ten schools. I have 18 on my short list and 12 that I feel that I need to apply to. So I'd be looking at $1600 minimum and over $2000 to apply to the bulk of them and give myself the best shot at getting in. NOt to mention the cost of my time to do the research and write the applications.
Now granted some schools offer application fee waivers for low income applicants. But not all. Three of my first six don't. And it is $275 for those three. I had been counting on them all having waivers, but there are solid schools for me that I really have to apply to for the best chances of admission. Two of these I have connections at already working for me that are strongly encouraging me to apply. But I may not be able to now. To everyone that thinks America is a meritocracy take a second look. I may not even be able to apply to some schools because just I don't have enough money. And one of these mentioned is my fall back school. I have to apply, it is the only way to try to guarantee my acceptance.
But what if I was rich? I could apply to 20 schools, 30 school, whatever. My chances of getting in would be greater, thus my chances of success in this field greater. But no. Not mine. I'm low income. I have to make strategic decisions (such as the one that I made last year and then didn't get in anywhere). I have barriers to my entry. The Lohan's, Kardashian's, and Hilton's, and Drake's of the world throw money around on glitter, bottles of champagne, strippers, and superficial material things, yet a person looking to go back to school and make both themselves and hopefully some day the world a better places can not do it for the simple cost of one of those bottles of champagne.
How can anyone say this is the greatest country there is? We claim to be a place where you can do anything! Well I may not be able to apply to go to school because I am not wealthy enough. In most places in Europe, school tuition is free, never mind applications. If you are good enough to go, you get to go. I may not even be able to apply, and for no other reason than that I am poor.
So here I am, back to the old dream and applying for schools. This of course is met with a broad smack in the face at America's true shame: the barriers to entry faced by low income individuals. To get into programs I need to "apply widely" (as I've been advised) to increase my chances of entry. This is something I intended to, but did not do last year for various reasons mostly revolving around my involvement with Occupy. But the shear barriers to be able to apply to a number of programs are immense. Between application fees, the cost of sending GRE scores ($25 per school), and transcripts ($25 to send them from all three schools that I attended), is a lot of money. If I want to apply to ten schools, that is $250 for the GRE scores, and then another $250 for one set of transcripts each (though many schools require you to send two), before you even look at application fees. The cost of fees which are usually between $75 and $100. So that's $12-1500 to apply to ten schools. I have 18 on my short list and 12 that I feel that I need to apply to. So I'd be looking at $1600 minimum and over $2000 to apply to the bulk of them and give myself the best shot at getting in. NOt to mention the cost of my time to do the research and write the applications.
Now granted some schools offer application fee waivers for low income applicants. But not all. Three of my first six don't. And it is $275 for those three. I had been counting on them all having waivers, but there are solid schools for me that I really have to apply to for the best chances of admission. Two of these I have connections at already working for me that are strongly encouraging me to apply. But I may not be able to now. To everyone that thinks America is a meritocracy take a second look. I may not even be able to apply to some schools because just I don't have enough money. And one of these mentioned is my fall back school. I have to apply, it is the only way to try to guarantee my acceptance.
But what if I was rich? I could apply to 20 schools, 30 school, whatever. My chances of getting in would be greater, thus my chances of success in this field greater. But no. Not mine. I'm low income. I have to make strategic decisions (such as the one that I made last year and then didn't get in anywhere). I have barriers to my entry. The Lohan's, Kardashian's, and Hilton's, and Drake's of the world throw money around on glitter, bottles of champagne, strippers, and superficial material things, yet a person looking to go back to school and make both themselves and hopefully some day the world a better places can not do it for the simple cost of one of those bottles of champagne.
How can anyone say this is the greatest country there is? We claim to be a place where you can do anything! Well I may not be able to apply to go to school because I am not wealthy enough. In most places in Europe, school tuition is free, never mind applications. If you are good enough to go, you get to go. I may not even be able to apply, and for no other reason than that I am poor.
Monday, November 12, 2012
Individualizing Desperation
It is amazing how the human psyche works. I am continually working and acting in cooperative and communal ways. The work I do, the volunteer stuff, my Africa project, academically and intellectually, everything is team focused, egalitarian, and about working together. But it is amazing how when times are tough and a longstanding at that, that your body and mind enter into a survival mode that is tough to work through sometimes.
My situation is well chronicled here on this website. Lots of education and experience, a keen analytical capacity, hard working, whatever.. but no professional place to use it right now. It is tough. But beyond just the remorse of not being in the place I'd like to be, there is a desperation that comes with poverty and the basic human struggles for food and shelter. What I'm referring to is a selfishness that comes about. A selfishness that would drive the starving to snatch food out of a child's hand, or knock an old lady down to get to a loaf of bread. Now obviously I am not there, and would like to think I could always overcome something like this. But I can feel and see subtle moments of it seeping into my conscious awareness and attacking my subconscious on many levels. The instinctive self medicating that so many of us do when we are hurting such as rushing to "comfort foods" (I ate a bunch of doughnuts yesterday, which I have no business eating with my allergies), or to liquor, or risky things, sports. Things that make us feel rebellious alive, viral, whatever. We all do this stuff at some point. Act out in individualistic ways that inject enzymes, adrenaline and such, into our world and brains that make us feel "better", if even for a moment.
What I am talking about right now though is an overlooking of others and even perhaps sometimes basic protocols of human interaction and attention based on immediate feelings of personal desperation. Not taking the time to say thank you, somehow feeling it is implied, not responding to a call or text, not paying attention to someone else's efforts to help you with or care of their ideas and works in respect to what you are so desperately trying to do. I am finding myself doing these things. Just so desperately focused on trying to change my situation that I am pushing myself internally, working to market myself, survive myself, that I lose track of those surrounding me and the attention they deserve.
I have been speaking in "we" terms for years, and have really struggled focusing on the proverbial "I" - marketing myself. But that is where I have to be right now. My resume needs to make me sound like King Kong, my writing projects need to sound like I am the smartest thing ever, my PhD prospectus like I thought of all this shit myself. At times I lose track of the care for others that has been the cornerstone of my adult existence I've rescinded into home-life more and more, and am not paying attention to others in the way I am accustomed to. Not saying thank you, not working with someone in a way that expresses a team effort.... sad. I know I am better than this. I know I will be back there some day. But I am worried that some of these situations and ways of life may become bad habits. Since I left Europe I have gone in the wrong direction. I've been training myself in desperation ever since I got back to this country over three years ago. I definitely don't like these desperation and individualistic habits I'm picking up here. But what can you do? I just want to get back to being stable - if such a thing ever existed.
My situation is well chronicled here on this website. Lots of education and experience, a keen analytical capacity, hard working, whatever.. but no professional place to use it right now. It is tough. But beyond just the remorse of not being in the place I'd like to be, there is a desperation that comes with poverty and the basic human struggles for food and shelter. What I'm referring to is a selfishness that comes about. A selfishness that would drive the starving to snatch food out of a child's hand, or knock an old lady down to get to a loaf of bread. Now obviously I am not there, and would like to think I could always overcome something like this. But I can feel and see subtle moments of it seeping into my conscious awareness and attacking my subconscious on many levels. The instinctive self medicating that so many of us do when we are hurting such as rushing to "comfort foods" (I ate a bunch of doughnuts yesterday, which I have no business eating with my allergies), or to liquor, or risky things, sports. Things that make us feel rebellious alive, viral, whatever. We all do this stuff at some point. Act out in individualistic ways that inject enzymes, adrenaline and such, into our world and brains that make us feel "better", if even for a moment.
What I am talking about right now though is an overlooking of others and even perhaps sometimes basic protocols of human interaction and attention based on immediate feelings of personal desperation. Not taking the time to say thank you, somehow feeling it is implied, not responding to a call or text, not paying attention to someone else's efforts to help you with or care of their ideas and works in respect to what you are so desperately trying to do. I am finding myself doing these things. Just so desperately focused on trying to change my situation that I am pushing myself internally, working to market myself, survive myself, that I lose track of those surrounding me and the attention they deserve.
I have been speaking in "we" terms for years, and have really struggled focusing on the proverbial "I" - marketing myself. But that is where I have to be right now. My resume needs to make me sound like King Kong, my writing projects need to sound like I am the smartest thing ever, my PhD prospectus like I thought of all this shit myself. At times I lose track of the care for others that has been the cornerstone of my adult existence I've rescinded into home-life more and more, and am not paying attention to others in the way I am accustomed to. Not saying thank you, not working with someone in a way that expresses a team effort.... sad. I know I am better than this. I know I will be back there some day. But I am worried that some of these situations and ways of life may become bad habits. Since I left Europe I have gone in the wrong direction. I've been training myself in desperation ever since I got back to this country over three years ago. I definitely don't like these desperation and individualistic habits I'm picking up here. But what can you do? I just want to get back to being stable - if such a thing ever existed.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Hurricane Sandy and the Frankenstorm
This is where it all hits you. That you have no outlet for your skills. Last night a devastating storm hit the New York area and the eastern seaboard of the US. Deaths, destruction, power failures, explosions, high winds, flooding... "unprecedented damage and destruction" they are saying. Yet here I sit, on a degree in post-conflict reconstruction and additional business/graduate work in reconstruction - all of which dove tail with disaster reconstruction. The theoretical and logistical situations of the two are the same, the only difference is security; an additional factor in war torn areas that you don't have to deal with in disaster reconstruction.
In 2002 I organized independent flood clean up and reconstruction in Prague when most of Central Europe flooded. I organized funding and donations from abroad, flew in supplies from the US to Prague by creating relationships with air carriers, set up a team of volunteer workers in Prague, and cleaned up several locations in the worst hit area of Prague, an area which was under 9 meters of water (about 25 feet). We then helped fund, rebuild, and rejuvenate the area.
I ended up in school after that and studied rebuilding in the historical perspective of World War II, then I worked on Iraq and Afghanistan for a couple years, and went back to school and studied current day issues of rebuilding from sociological and anthropological perspectives - rebuilding after war in Africa, but more pointedly economic development in general. I went to Sierra Leone and walked around the country assessing needs and how to build society and economic infrastructure after the brutal civil war. But back here in the US, these skills have gone unused. They don't seem to be able to find a "market". It makes me want to shake my fists and say "I can do anything - if someone will just give me the chance!" The bottom line with it, is that what is about to happen in the New York Metropolitan area is something I have both experience and training in. I have a lot to offer.
I have no outlet for these skills and experience though. I am sitting at home in Brooklyn writing rather than troubleshooting, engaging, and problem solving ways to rebuild the areas destroyed by this storm. Do I volunteer? Do I just go out and try to get into the mix? The mayor though has said everyone should stay home, home and interfere with trained workers. I'm trained, but I'm not a worker. How do I reconcile this within myself? If I go out and volunteer I am then sacrificing my capacity to find work and pay rent next month. I have no job, and despite every inkling within my heart, finding income has to be my priority - sadly, beyond helping others - if I can't eat myself I am of little help to anyone. Why can't I find this kind of work helping others? So here I sit, wasting my time venting to my electronic devise that my skills and experiences are just wasting away.
Could someone give me something to do? I've tried to do it myself, but haven't gotten anywhere. Could someone give me an outlet for my training and skills? I can help.
In 2002 I organized independent flood clean up and reconstruction in Prague when most of Central Europe flooded. I organized funding and donations from abroad, flew in supplies from the US to Prague by creating relationships with air carriers, set up a team of volunteer workers in Prague, and cleaned up several locations in the worst hit area of Prague, an area which was under 9 meters of water (about 25 feet). We then helped fund, rebuild, and rejuvenate the area.
I ended up in school after that and studied rebuilding in the historical perspective of World War II, then I worked on Iraq and Afghanistan for a couple years, and went back to school and studied current day issues of rebuilding from sociological and anthropological perspectives - rebuilding after war in Africa, but more pointedly economic development in general. I went to Sierra Leone and walked around the country assessing needs and how to build society and economic infrastructure after the brutal civil war. But back here in the US, these skills have gone unused. They don't seem to be able to find a "market". It makes me want to shake my fists and say "I can do anything - if someone will just give me the chance!" The bottom line with it, is that what is about to happen in the New York Metropolitan area is something I have both experience and training in. I have a lot to offer.
I have no outlet for these skills and experience though. I am sitting at home in Brooklyn writing rather than troubleshooting, engaging, and problem solving ways to rebuild the areas destroyed by this storm. Do I volunteer? Do I just go out and try to get into the mix? The mayor though has said everyone should stay home, home and interfere with trained workers. I'm trained, but I'm not a worker. How do I reconcile this within myself? If I go out and volunteer I am then sacrificing my capacity to find work and pay rent next month. I have no job, and despite every inkling within my heart, finding income has to be my priority - sadly, beyond helping others - if I can't eat myself I am of little help to anyone. Why can't I find this kind of work helping others? So here I sit, wasting my time venting to my electronic devise that my skills and experiences are just wasting away.
Could someone give me something to do? I've tried to do it myself, but haven't gotten anywhere. Could someone give me an outlet for my training and skills? I can help.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Desperation
So I have had to leave my place in
Brooklyn for a couple weeks. I don't have enough money to pay for a
month and the owner has someone that can come in and pay something for a bit.
I knew this prior to my moving in, so I've had time to plan. But it has
forced me to try to piece together places to stay and opened up some
old wounds in doing so. Family, friends, whatever. It makes for a
very tough time again. I seem to have isolated that one of, if not the key, to my internal feelings of security comes from secure housing
or a home. Jobs, relationships, activities, they all seem to be able
to come and go with normal levels of stress, but housing puts me into a different place. This last couple weeks have seen that type of involuntary emotional response and reaffirmed what I felt in August when my housing was about to run out.
I am right now writing this from my grandparents house
upstate, spending time with them and my relatives from Colorado. This always provides for an interesting point of departure in an assessment of the self. The other night I said to my Uncle, in reference
to work and trying to find a way to squeeze any money I could out of things, with a sigh, “it sucks to be desperate.” He
looked at me and laughed, “you're not desperate.” Shunning off my
situation with a smug chuckle. I responded with “huh, $200 to my name, no income, and
unstable housing certainly feels desperate to me.”
So what does this mean? Am I desperate? If I have family to stay with for a few days here and there do I not qualify? In a conversation with a friend the other day I likened the way I am living right now, to a cat that has stopped grooming itself. You know, when they get sick and can no longer attend to the general maintenance of daily life but rather just making it through just that one day. All I do is make lists of things that could help me gt out of this situation and just try to get those things done. The basic things needed to get done, eating, cleaning, etc, not remotely being taken care of as they need to.
So what does this mean? Am I desperate? If I have family to stay with for a few days here and there do I not qualify? In a conversation with a friend the other day I likened the way I am living right now, to a cat that has stopped grooming itself. You know, when they get sick and can no longer attend to the general maintenance of daily life but rather just making it through just that one day. All I do is make lists of things that could help me gt out of this situation and just try to get those things done. The basic things needed to get done, eating, cleaning, etc, not remotely being taken care of as they need to.
But this is where I am right now. And
I wonder if it is something that most people can really get their
head's around. A situation yesterday brought this to light for me.
A friend had been helping me with my prospectus for academia and
amidst, uncertain housing, food, and the general difficulties of the
life I am living within right now I seem to have cut corners and didn't get a response
back to her right away about an extensive email she wrote to me. It
was so amazing and invaluable to me, but I blew it by not thanking
her immediately and trying to piece things together conceptually
before I responded to her. I posted a blog post about a synthesis of
my ideas and several other's (but mostly her's) before I responded to
her. It didn't go over well. The writing itself as well wasn't
carefully worded as it was thrown together hastily. It just failed
on so many levels. But this is where I am right now. I am desperate
and in survival mode. I am clutching at straws and up against walls
that people don't seem to understand the height of.
My family is reconstructing their house
and truly put out in their living situation, they are struggling.
But they have a home and will have one. They have a place to live
and food to eat. My friend that deserved a thank you and adoration
for the help she is giving me, deserves better from me. Just as every job
application requires more attention, and every networking
opportunity, and PhD application, and, and, and....
Basically people, I can't do it. I can't live up to all of your expectations. I don't know where I will sleep tomorrow night, I don't know what I will do about food, I don't know what my future entails, all I do know is that most of the things I am doing in life right now – at least in ways that our society usually measures successes – are more failure than success. Job application after job application goes unheeded, unrealized. I am an utter failure there. I can't correspond as needed, I can't keep up networks, and friends, and family, and job prospects, and future prospects or any of that as I should or want to. I am living a life that most people seem to not understand or not want to understand. I am not the man I want to be or you want me to be. I am an impoverished, unemployed, and overqualified guy that is struggling with so many facets of his life. Yes, there are a few great people in my life helping me hold it together. But on the whole. I am sorry to everyone else out there that expects me to be more, or at minimum expects me to be the man that I have been the rest of my life. Right now I am not that guy. I am desperate. Desperate for place in this world, for an income, a job, a home, a career, a realizable purpose, whatever. I am desperate. And desperation leads to many things that do not fulfill either my or others expectations. So what else can I say, I am sorry I am not the man you want me to be. It hurts me too, but I am doing the best I can to just hold things together enough to get to the next day and to just keep trying to move forward.
Basically people, I can't do it. I can't live up to all of your expectations. I don't know where I will sleep tomorrow night, I don't know what I will do about food, I don't know what my future entails, all I do know is that most of the things I am doing in life right now – at least in ways that our society usually measures successes – are more failure than success. Job application after job application goes unheeded, unrealized. I am an utter failure there. I can't correspond as needed, I can't keep up networks, and friends, and family, and job prospects, and future prospects or any of that as I should or want to. I am living a life that most people seem to not understand or not want to understand. I am not the man I want to be or you want me to be. I am an impoverished, unemployed, and overqualified guy that is struggling with so many facets of his life. Yes, there are a few great people in my life helping me hold it together. But on the whole. I am sorry to everyone else out there that expects me to be more, or at minimum expects me to be the man that I have been the rest of my life. Right now I am not that guy. I am desperate. Desperate for place in this world, for an income, a job, a home, a career, a realizable purpose, whatever. I am desperate. And desperation leads to many things that do not fulfill either my or others expectations. So what else can I say, I am sorry I am not the man you want me to be. It hurts me too, but I am doing the best I can to just hold things together enough to get to the next day and to just keep trying to move forward.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Academia
So it is about that time again; where the academic calender is
calling my name. This year of course its especially loud as the
job market proves to have no love for me. Thus it brings me
back to my eternal quest to get into and funded at a PhD program.
I thought for sure last year would have bore fruit. But it
didn't. I cut my academic nose off to spite my occupation.
It seemed like a great idea at the time, stay in the New York area to
be closer to Occupy. But I overestimated my capacity within the
power and strength of the advice I was getting from others in the
know about my PhD applications. I was surrounded by people that
knew and fabulously supported me. I felt like I'd get in
everywhere! But admissions department's don't know you like
your friends and colleagues do. I got overconfident I suppose, and applied most;y to the most sought after programs in the country. It didn't work out as I got in
to one place with too little funding and wait-listed at my top
choice. A couple hundred plus applicants for two spots. I
was in the top ten it seems, but I didn't get in. Most of the
advice I got from friends and family at the time was to give up, walk
away, and find a new career option. How many years to you keep
trying before you realize they may just not be interested in my
application?
So I put my efforts into Occupy and finding work in the non-profit and/or international development sectors. It hasn't worked thus far. My resume seems to not get me far in these communities and today's economic climate. Not to mention that, as always, I find myself yearning for intellectual discourse, to be able to focus, to just sit and learn and analyze and try to come to new alternative ways of doing and contemplating things. I always come back to it. My passion will always lie in this type of work. I just need to find the best outlet for it.
So I've been looking into how to go about this in academia again. What lessons have I learned from the last several application processes? What can be changed? What in fact should I be studying? I've started formulating some prospective concepts in my mind over the last few months, and reached out to some people that I trust and have helped me throughout. I feel like this past year and the people that I've found myself involved with has really honed some of my thoughts/perspectives, especially in formulating this concept. A year on the ground as a part of a social movement brings a lot of concrete insights that are tough for those outside of it to replicate. Combining this ground level Occupy stuff with my previous work has really broadened my context and critique of society.
In my head this summer I have been musing about writing a book about some things that make a lot of sense in terms of a PhD project as well. I keep thinking about the meaning of the systemic, institutional, and successful suppression of the Occupy movement. The main question that came into my head when thinking about American democracy and society as a whole was the question: "when do you give up on America?" If Occupy can so easily be suppressed and marginalized, what hope do we have? As I've been conceptualizing this thought, it centers around the systemic suppression of this open and democratic movement using the private media, the use of "legitimate" power in the form of the police, FBI, homeland security, etc, and a myriad of other tools to sway public opinion in unfavorable directions regarding the movement and the use of free democratic speech as well.
The point of it to me though is not to make another report on the suppression of another movement, but to focus on what this means for our society as a whole and our interest/ability to bring about change. The main premise is that while "America" believes itself to be so many great things, it is in fact statistically falling far behind much of the industrialized world, and that the suppression of this movement (one envisioned to exactly address these issues and to do it with basis of free speech, economic and social justice, and a more inclusive society) tells me that the country could be on the brink of being lost to real change. Is our society so systematically controlled as to stifle the exact cure of our ills? Have the individual people (I know loaded and generalized statement) have become so entrenched in the system that they can no longer assess and critique the system? It seems that we as a society are forced into a steadfast maintenance of daily life and survival, and that we perhaps blindly trust media and the state to the point of ignorance. Hence what seems like an easy and slow transition from empathy towards the Occupy movement, to an eventual siding by many people with the "law and order" and the state/corporate message, as opposed to freedom of speech, expression, and the fight for economic and social justice/true democracy that we are taught America is about. Basically, what does it mean for American society to have had a movement aiming to care for and give voice to all people be so resoundingly squelched by the establishment, and for this to seemingly be accepted by the general public as ok.
I think these are very important issues to be addressed, and which stretch well beyond NYC and the US. Even to the global issues and Africa work that matter so much to me easily play into it. When contextualized through a global light, there is a systematic repression of justice movements throughout the world using the same tactics and weapons used here in the US and that all fall within the framework of neoliberal systems. The police, media, state resources, the corporate control and influence over global political and economic systems. The pictures and tactics from around the world are all the same. Police forces and intelligence services being used as tools of capitalist and authoritarian regimes, all in the name of local or international order. Public money being spent for police to guard private property. These images even bridge the international political science discourse on liberal/democratic peace theory that I've done work on in the past with domestic issues of democratic voice and internal conflict/force.
Obviously this global framework would be an important part of understanding the broader issues affecting things here on the ground in the US regarding democratic voice and the Occupy movement in an interconnected world. But for me in these purposes, Occupy and the US would be a specific research focus to investigate the systemic issues inherent within the neo-liberal system, what the past year means about the strength of this system, and what "its" hold on power and social control is. I wrote something touching a bit on some of these issues in a really short piece for the MetrOccupied newspaper.
That article brought me to some very poignant research questions that I feel should be asked regarding the media. While there was a wealth of coverage in the beginning by countless media outlets, what happened after the park was lost and the media coverage slowly dwindled away? Was the media coverage suppressed? Was it just the news cycle and fickle nature of private media? Why did the mainstream coverage eventually seem to solely show negative clashes with the police rather than the movement's outputs? And what of the alternative media that still covers the movement to this day? What differentiates these media outlets? I made some decent friends in the media over this past year and my conversations with them only raised more concerns and questions I'd love to ask.
There are also an equal number of questions to be raised in terms of the physical suppression of the movement by law enforcement. This has drawn a great deal of attention in alternative and liberal circles and there are a number of projects on going that point out the inequities and illegalities throughout both this movement and others. These studies would provide a solid foundation for a more expansive inquiry/analysis into the nature and legality of physical suppression by "legal" actors.
That line of thought brings me to the crux of my interest: the contradiction and conflict within America's national identity - based so profoundly on different types of freedoms - that I feel that the Occupy movement has shown. From political voice, to assembly and free speech, to economic and social freedoms, civil liberties, property rights, and everything else in between, there is a devout contradiction here as despite this American self-image of being exceptionally free, the violent suppression of the Occupy movement (and others before it) shows that the country is in fact as repressive as many other countries from whom we like to differentiate ourselves. The question then becomes where do these contradictions and conflicts come from. What can the Occupy movement show us regarding this contradiction? What is the "individual American's" role in this? Do people uncritically accept their circumstances? How does the concept of law and order and the "legitimate" use of force factor in? To what extent does the media's telling of this tale factor into people's opinions, their social critique, and an American concept of "freedom"? What does it mean to believe the media's representations? And what would a critique of this "America" look like if it should exist?
The contradictions of course go well beyond just the media, police, and public perception. They are shaped by state actions and their interactions with corporate interests and messages. Do the police merely protect the interests of the corporate state and state-like corporations? What is the outcome of this physical repression on the general public's sense of freedom and democracy? And what of the possible "repression" of information by both state and private institutions? Does it actually exist and if so under what context?
This inquiry also requires much more than just an interrogation of whether "America" has allowed the Occupy movement to by pushed a side, but what role did the Occupy movement itself play in its suppression? How does Occupy's general choice not to engage with electoral politics play in? How does the strong influence of anarchist ideology/principles factor in to the movement's appearance from the outside give current and historical constructs/prejudices? Realistically, the media came out in droves early, and in many ways provided the support and interest in Occupy (and its related issues/messages) that allowed the movement to explode into a global movement. So how and why did that change and what was Occupies role in that? There is a lot of work to be done analyzing media content and frequency, and Occupy's role in framing this coverage, just as there is to discussing Occupy's reactions to the policing and suppression of the movement throughout the multiple levels of the US's social and political fabric.
Ultimately, this project takes me personally so far in the right directions. It is a long way from Sierra Leone yes, but it tugs at the heart of my larger interests and interdisciplinary soul that will resonate further than "capitalist expropriation in Africa" - which is not a new topic to academia. This project with Occupy, which has grown within me while having been on the ground with OWS for the whole year, puts me in a very advantageous position. I mean how many applicants could say that they were living in the park, organizing daily, getting pushed by the police, being both propped up and stifled by the media, facilitating large discussion group every day and turning that into research outputs? Nevermind maintaining an involvement? How many applicants would have the background I do and would be applying for PhD's in the same places? I the parlance of my neighborhood, I've got knowledge and street cred here. And I've earned it. I want to use that knowledge and leverage to get to the next level and to provide a proper break down and analysis of both what's happening here and its meaning.
Wooo..... right, but where do I do this study? I had been applying mostly in Anthropology over the ast couple years; a discipline that is great at accessing individual agency, power, national cultural images, and critiques of the media, but I've done a lot of work in Sociology as well, a discipline that is really strong on Social Movements. I also already have a masters degree in history and could piggy back off that; assess the movement through the historical suppression of social movements and of social change in general and in American ideals. There is also the legal aspect to it all. There are law schools out there tied to interdisciplinary initiatives that could be very interested in this work. I personally usually think in interdisciplinary terms as it usually bridges my interests well - giving the the best of many worlds. But it also has its limits in the depth of analysis. Those programs are also hard to locate.
I think the key for me is going to be to find progressive/critical mentors, academics and programs that are going to work with me, understanding that I am not just an academic, but an activist, a protester, a dyslexic football player... an all-together different sort of fellow. So how widely do I apply? And how do I afford the application fees? If I am going to do it, I need to get it done this year and i need to get the applications done early. I need all my ducks in a row, to do lots of research, and make some really astute choices to get in to the right schools. We'll see. Time to get reading so I can frame the study in the right way, reach out to the right people, and try to make things happen... Oh yeah, and try to figure out where to sleep next week, whether I'll have enough food, and what to do for the next year until a program would start - if I was to get in! lol. What I wouldn't give for a job!! ;)
So I put my efforts into Occupy and finding work in the non-profit and/or international development sectors. It hasn't worked thus far. My resume seems to not get me far in these communities and today's economic climate. Not to mention that, as always, I find myself yearning for intellectual discourse, to be able to focus, to just sit and learn and analyze and try to come to new alternative ways of doing and contemplating things. I always come back to it. My passion will always lie in this type of work. I just need to find the best outlet for it.
So I've been looking into how to go about this in academia again. What lessons have I learned from the last several application processes? What can be changed? What in fact should I be studying? I've started formulating some prospective concepts in my mind over the last few months, and reached out to some people that I trust and have helped me throughout. I feel like this past year and the people that I've found myself involved with has really honed some of my thoughts/perspectives, especially in formulating this concept. A year on the ground as a part of a social movement brings a lot of concrete insights that are tough for those outside of it to replicate. Combining this ground level Occupy stuff with my previous work has really broadened my context and critique of society.
In my head this summer I have been musing about writing a book about some things that make a lot of sense in terms of a PhD project as well. I keep thinking about the meaning of the systemic, institutional, and successful suppression of the Occupy movement. The main question that came into my head when thinking about American democracy and society as a whole was the question: "when do you give up on America?" If Occupy can so easily be suppressed and marginalized, what hope do we have? As I've been conceptualizing this thought, it centers around the systemic suppression of this open and democratic movement using the private media, the use of "legitimate" power in the form of the police, FBI, homeland security, etc, and a myriad of other tools to sway public opinion in unfavorable directions regarding the movement and the use of free democratic speech as well.
The point of it to me though is not to make another report on the suppression of another movement, but to focus on what this means for our society as a whole and our interest/ability to bring about change. The main premise is that while "America" believes itself to be so many great things, it is in fact statistically falling far behind much of the industrialized world, and that the suppression of this movement (one envisioned to exactly address these issues and to do it with basis of free speech, economic and social justice, and a more inclusive society) tells me that the country could be on the brink of being lost to real change. Is our society so systematically controlled as to stifle the exact cure of our ills? Have the individual people (I know loaded and generalized statement) have become so entrenched in the system that they can no longer assess and critique the system? It seems that we as a society are forced into a steadfast maintenance of daily life and survival, and that we perhaps blindly trust media and the state to the point of ignorance. Hence what seems like an easy and slow transition from empathy towards the Occupy movement, to an eventual siding by many people with the "law and order" and the state/corporate message, as opposed to freedom of speech, expression, and the fight for economic and social justice/true democracy that we are taught America is about. Basically, what does it mean for American society to have had a movement aiming to care for and give voice to all people be so resoundingly squelched by the establishment, and for this to seemingly be accepted by the general public as ok.
I think these are very important issues to be addressed, and which stretch well beyond NYC and the US. Even to the global issues and Africa work that matter so much to me easily play into it. When contextualized through a global light, there is a systematic repression of justice movements throughout the world using the same tactics and weapons used here in the US and that all fall within the framework of neoliberal systems. The police, media, state resources, the corporate control and influence over global political and economic systems. The pictures and tactics from around the world are all the same. Police forces and intelligence services being used as tools of capitalist and authoritarian regimes, all in the name of local or international order. Public money being spent for police to guard private property. These images even bridge the international political science discourse on liberal/democratic peace theory that I've done work on in the past with domestic issues of democratic voice and internal conflict/force.
Obviously this global framework would be an important part of understanding the broader issues affecting things here on the ground in the US regarding democratic voice and the Occupy movement in an interconnected world. But for me in these purposes, Occupy and the US would be a specific research focus to investigate the systemic issues inherent within the neo-liberal system, what the past year means about the strength of this system, and what "its" hold on power and social control is. I wrote something touching a bit on some of these issues in a really short piece for the MetrOccupied newspaper.
That article brought me to some very poignant research questions that I feel should be asked regarding the media. While there was a wealth of coverage in the beginning by countless media outlets, what happened after the park was lost and the media coverage slowly dwindled away? Was the media coverage suppressed? Was it just the news cycle and fickle nature of private media? Why did the mainstream coverage eventually seem to solely show negative clashes with the police rather than the movement's outputs? And what of the alternative media that still covers the movement to this day? What differentiates these media outlets? I made some decent friends in the media over this past year and my conversations with them only raised more concerns and questions I'd love to ask.
There are also an equal number of questions to be raised in terms of the physical suppression of the movement by law enforcement. This has drawn a great deal of attention in alternative and liberal circles and there are a number of projects on going that point out the inequities and illegalities throughout both this movement and others. These studies would provide a solid foundation for a more expansive inquiry/analysis into the nature and legality of physical suppression by "legal" actors.
That line of thought brings me to the crux of my interest: the contradiction and conflict within America's national identity - based so profoundly on different types of freedoms - that I feel that the Occupy movement has shown. From political voice, to assembly and free speech, to economic and social freedoms, civil liberties, property rights, and everything else in between, there is a devout contradiction here as despite this American self-image of being exceptionally free, the violent suppression of the Occupy movement (and others before it) shows that the country is in fact as repressive as many other countries from whom we like to differentiate ourselves. The question then becomes where do these contradictions and conflicts come from. What can the Occupy movement show us regarding this contradiction? What is the "individual American's" role in this? Do people uncritically accept their circumstances? How does the concept of law and order and the "legitimate" use of force factor in? To what extent does the media's telling of this tale factor into people's opinions, their social critique, and an American concept of "freedom"? What does it mean to believe the media's representations? And what would a critique of this "America" look like if it should exist?
The contradictions of course go well beyond just the media, police, and public perception. They are shaped by state actions and their interactions with corporate interests and messages. Do the police merely protect the interests of the corporate state and state-like corporations? What is the outcome of this physical repression on the general public's sense of freedom and democracy? And what of the possible "repression" of information by both state and private institutions? Does it actually exist and if so under what context?
This inquiry also requires much more than just an interrogation of whether "America" has allowed the Occupy movement to by pushed a side, but what role did the Occupy movement itself play in its suppression? How does Occupy's general choice not to engage with electoral politics play in? How does the strong influence of anarchist ideology/principles factor in to the movement's appearance from the outside give current and historical constructs/prejudices? Realistically, the media came out in droves early, and in many ways provided the support and interest in Occupy (and its related issues/messages) that allowed the movement to explode into a global movement. So how and why did that change and what was Occupies role in that? There is a lot of work to be done analyzing media content and frequency, and Occupy's role in framing this coverage, just as there is to discussing Occupy's reactions to the policing and suppression of the movement throughout the multiple levels of the US's social and political fabric.
Ultimately, this project takes me personally so far in the right directions. It is a long way from Sierra Leone yes, but it tugs at the heart of my larger interests and interdisciplinary soul that will resonate further than "capitalist expropriation in Africa" - which is not a new topic to academia. This project with Occupy, which has grown within me while having been on the ground with OWS for the whole year, puts me in a very advantageous position. I mean how many applicants could say that they were living in the park, organizing daily, getting pushed by the police, being both propped up and stifled by the media, facilitating large discussion group every day and turning that into research outputs? Nevermind maintaining an involvement? How many applicants would have the background I do and would be applying for PhD's in the same places? I the parlance of my neighborhood, I've got knowledge and street cred here. And I've earned it. I want to use that knowledge and leverage to get to the next level and to provide a proper break down and analysis of both what's happening here and its meaning.
Wooo..... right, but where do I do this study? I had been applying mostly in Anthropology over the ast couple years; a discipline that is great at accessing individual agency, power, national cultural images, and critiques of the media, but I've done a lot of work in Sociology as well, a discipline that is really strong on Social Movements. I also already have a masters degree in history and could piggy back off that; assess the movement through the historical suppression of social movements and of social change in general and in American ideals. There is also the legal aspect to it all. There are law schools out there tied to interdisciplinary initiatives that could be very interested in this work. I personally usually think in interdisciplinary terms as it usually bridges my interests well - giving the the best of many worlds. But it also has its limits in the depth of analysis. Those programs are also hard to locate.
I think the key for me is going to be to find progressive/critical mentors, academics and programs that are going to work with me, understanding that I am not just an academic, but an activist, a protester, a dyslexic football player... an all-together different sort of fellow. So how widely do I apply? And how do I afford the application fees? If I am going to do it, I need to get it done this year and i need to get the applications done early. I need all my ducks in a row, to do lots of research, and make some really astute choices to get in to the right schools. We'll see. Time to get reading so I can frame the study in the right way, reach out to the right people, and try to make things happen... Oh yeah, and try to figure out where to sleep next week, whether I'll have enough food, and what to do for the next year until a program would start - if I was to get in! lol. What I wouldn't give for a job!! ;)
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