Why Yesterday Sucked.

Right, so yesterday sucked.  Yeah, I know I'm repeating the title, but it really did suck.  You'd think on the surface that it could have been a pretty promising day.  I had this NY Times political roundtable discussion on the economy surrounding the electoral debacle we're in the middle of right now.  It's been on my radar for a few weeks and I was pretty excited about it.  But I realized that despite my delushions of grandeur about how it could somehow knight in shinning armor my job prospects forward, that concept was just plain absurd.  The program was a half hour discussion.  I spoke three times, one of which had some technical person chatting in my ear.  I mean, not that it didn't go just fine, but in my head somewhere the thought that - really?!?! - this was somehow going to solve the jobless issue!?  Ha!!  You know, thinking that someone is going to take a peak at this show and say, hey, that guy's got some talents that might be helpful.  Lets get him in here.  Or maybe that I would put the link up on my resume with the smattering of other media appearance I've had with Occupy and that it was going to be presenting some rock star type video appearance that would bring everyone running to hire me.  Yeah, delusions of grandeur!  haha!!




I mean, I'm not sure I even believed any of this.  I don't even remember really thinking about that consciously before hand in any concerted way.  But it felt like I had afterwards.  I got out of the discussion and it was so anti-climactic.  It was just done, and the lady said; "ok, so the exit's over there, thanks."  Away I went.  I was on the sidewalk literally four minutes after It was over.  I didn't really get to talk to anyone about it or get any feedback.  In and out.  Why was I expecting more? 

Oh well, I walked back down to the village to pick up my bike and drop my keys off at the old place I was staying this past year.    That was depressing as well.  As if I thought maybe they'd let me keep them so I could check in on the place when they needed it.  I love those people and somehow want to be able to stay involved with them.  Giving keys back changes things, means something. 

I of course was struggling by this point.  I didn't get halfway from midtown before I was taking a shot in a liquor store.  What!?!?  Do you put that one out there for the public?  I guess I just did... unemployment isn't a fairy tale, nor should it be air brushed.  Not sure why.  It was there, I was feeling unemployed and unloved?  One little nipper.  "I don't need a bag, it'll be gone by the time I get to the door!"  I don't even really drink that much, but it seemed like medicine yesterday.  It didn't help though. 

The day's lesson was much deeper than my emotions at that moment.  The key to this day's was that I learned something much deeper: that I am smart.  I have so much to offer people and the world.  People keep telling me this, yet the establishment doesn't corroborate it.  But I am, and I mean that.  I get into these settings, talking to people, talking about the world and politics and society, offering knowledge, experiences, a critique, challenges, and possible solutions, and I feel like I'm alive and have purpose.  But I still have no work. 

I felt empoweringly dismal.  Like I'm this hidden gem that needs a little polishing.  I'm not an executive assistant, I'm not a retail worker, I'm not a 9 to 5er.  I'm a thinker.  And yeah, all of those positions can use thinkers, but they are not what's best there it seems.  My mind is in a different place from these jobs I'm applying for and the employers know it.  I talk about ideology and meaning in work at interviews.  I speak about intrinsic motivations and ways to make things better.  I talk about things that are above the position's mandates and requirements that are not as productive as it seems others want. 

So what do I do?  It'd be like taking the wild out of the lion's eye to tame this.  I don't know where I will find freedom.  But right now, I truly feel caged.  I'm trying to fit myself into a world that I could be completely happy with, but that others don't seem ready to believe that I could.  Why can't I be both the uncaged thinking beast and the efficient productive worker?  I can.  I have been.  I'm smart.  I'm passionate.  I'm capable.

Oh, and the Giants lost,
my phone died,
and if I had a dog,
someone kicked it! 
;)

Productively unfulfilled

So the last couple days don't seem to have been that productive on the surface, but in fact they really were.  I guess I'm still working on the organizational facets of this preparation process.  The tricky part for me is... all this preparation!!!  I'd much rather just pack up and go.  If I had one week to get ready I'd get just enough stuff done to get there and be able to eat and sleep.  Yet undoubtedly, I'd be just as successful as if I'd done all this planning!!!

"True wisdom is different from much learning; 
Much learning means little wisdom."  - Lao Zi

Even so, though mentally it is more annoying, I am getting a lot done.  I spent some good organization time, and have some good lists as well as a better organized networking list.  Right now I have lists of NGO's working in Sierra Leone, US organizations that support Sierra Leone, possible sponsors, and one for other related websites.  It is a tedious task to get these lists to the point were they are easily usable for marketing purposes.  Meredyth (still looking for an advisory title for her;) is helping me do some organizing and collating.  Many thanks..

I also called quite a few places today, mostly to no avail or just for advice.  The Giants didn't return a message, Vibram either - pattern.  I called wintersilks about silk shirts and their moisture management capabilities (which are supposed to be good, but then told not as good as coolmax).  I was thinking I'd be ordering a shirt to test out, but was left only with hesitation and the idea that I would just go try out the long-sleeve long underwear one I have now.  I tried to get my backpack, but it is sold out of my size at L.L. Bean (had a sale), and backordered at REI till August 27th.  I now have some dilemmas with this.  REI gives great service.  If I buy anything there they give a 100% satisfaction guarantee.  I'm not satisfied, they take it back.  Good stuff.  But the pack costs $239, I can get it elsewhere for $50 less.  Ouch, and that's fine to stomach if its just one bag, but what about everything as it adds up?  Tough call...

I also looked hard at the sleeping scenario.  I will be in a hammock but still need covers of some sort, though the highest ratings sleeping bags go is 40F (4C).  I went through a bunch and found one I like - the Big Agnes Pitch Pine SL +40.  Its not completely mummy shaped so a little more room, and its really light - 1 pound (.45kg).  It is down and nylon so good on my synthetic issues.  But the one thing this company apparently does is not put any down in the bottom.  They figure it doesn't insulate you when its squished.  Not sure I'm buying that, especially as in a hammock you certainly want to have something else under you.  A pad or something to keep temperatures regulated and mosquitos at bay.  There are solutions, and they are not bad one's.  But the gist of it all...  EXPENSIVE.  This sleeping bag is $279 before you even get a pad.  I was originally told $150 at most.  But I guess if you want light, down, and packable... you pay more.  Marmot had another one that didn't look bad either for $199 - the Arete +40.  I might have to make sacrafices there, but you only buy one of these things for years...  :-/  this one is good, but its mummy style, and for some reason when it is about 60F (15C) I don't feel like I need the whole 'mummy' scenario.

Anyway, today was more about questions than answers I guess.  I looked into free business cards (vista), but didn't like much (I'm simple and they didn't have easy and simple), plus I was thinking about phone numbers both here and in Sierra Leone.  The other thing I got close to doing was to get a skype number here.  I went through their website to see about getting a phone number to get calls from.  I was going to sign up for a plan, but the unlimited too the world doesn't include mobile phones - most of what people are working with in  Sierra Leone.  So why pay for a plan to be able to call phones here?  The phone number I do need though, but I will wait till tomorrow and call and ask about both "skype to go" and "skype in."  I want to get the best solution, easier to call and ask.

The one crowning jewel of the day though was the NEW DONATIONS link on the website!!!  Now, despite this sounding shameless, I - being poor in all terms monetarily related - was hoping someone might test it out for me to see if it works??  ;)  One penny!!  Do I hear one penny!?!  Lol. 

Anyway, in all seriousness, it was a productive day, but one that didn't see much come to completion.  Tomorrow hopefully will be that day!!  Enjoy your day...      

Speak to me!!

Contacts page!!  For those of you who do not already have a way to contact me, I just set up an email address and created a 'contacts' page.  Not very exciting at all, but hey, what in life really is exciting...  ;)   I got out the emails to the phone companies in Sierra Leone, but still nothing back yet but an automated out of office reply with other contacts.  Nothing from the Giants or Vibram either, but will call again today.

I spent some time yesterday, by chance, on this site librivox.org.  I was trying to find audio books as I've been enjoying them of late in the car or whatever.  And then here is this library of some 3000 recordings of 'public domain' books.  They are mostly older classics or the such - pre-copyright type of stuff, Shakespeare, whatever.  But there was some really good stuff there and it got me thinking that that might provide a nice option for the evenings after a long day of trekking.  It would take up no extra space - not like books would - and I wouldn't even have to sit and hold my eyes at attention to read when I was tired!.  Anyway, I thought it seemed interesting to think about.  I downloaded a few things to experiment with: Confucius, Sun Tzu, the 911 Report, The Wealth of Nations, even the one fiction book I own and haven't finished - Kim by Rudyard Kipling -, and of course, I had to download all 2 gb of Das Capital by Marx!!  Big fun!!  lol.  Anyway, I think today I will do some follow up stuff, then get into the non-profit set-up and hopefully into contacting Non-profits themselves...

   

To do list...

So today is a day to try to get things done.  First things first, I called the NY Giants to see if while I'm away they could save some copies of the games for me so I could watch them when I get back!!  Lol.  Yes, I know, I have issues... but I don't want to miss the whole season!!  I ended up having to leave a message with the a PR lady, but the initial conversation with the community relations women "Jen" was positive!!

I spent some time working on Hammocks and found what sounds like some good ones, but there's no way I can get real far unless I can physically get out there and lay down in one or two.  the more you read, the more you realize how individualized the comfort is.  I don't have the luxury of being able to get a couple and try them out.  One shot deal with little room to try things - especially without shipping things back and forth all over the world (which I heard a rumor is rough on the environment..;)  But this is one of the struggles we all face as the world moves to primarily internet based commerce, some things are forgotten, like that somehow somewhere some things need to be tried before they are bought.  Specialty items are tricky, can't keep a retail store open with them, but can't buy them without trying them!?!

My mom thinks I should look into a new backpack after this weekend's endeavor, I had thought I'd go and try to get fitted just to see how far off my current one was (I can't even find picture online for it, bought in 1999?), its all about cash though - you have it or you don't!  She also thinks I should have a 'going away shower' in leuw of the baby and/or wedding showers I won't have!!  Wait?!?! Has she given up!?!)  lol.

I went back through the wintersilks page for silk apparel as well, might be a better option than the spouse beater I wore.  They have a couple things on sale.  But I don't know that it is a solution so maybe I should just pick up a shirt and see how it feels?  Still thinking I'll ask for donations from them...  I also looked at - to my horror - underwear!!  I don't know, I haven't worn briefs since probably puberty, tough call.  I put a phone call in to Vibram as well to introduce my self and the concept, but of course I was met with voicemail!!

I've gotten my hands on some of the Sierra Leone Refugee All-Stars music.  Interesting Afro-reggae inspired light sounding, heavy hearted stuff.





Also in speaking of music, I haven't been able to get this song out of my head for days.  Its this little jingle that comes on when you go to Africell's home page.  I am working on an email for them and Comium to ask about the i phone and there thoughts on my needs.  Zain, which seems to be the one with the most coverage doesn't seem to have an email address, interesting...  More to do, and the heat of the day is here, so its time to get hydrated and outside to see if my feet can handle a bit of running!!  :p