Answers

So it is always amazing how a nights sleep so easily sets things down in such an easier manner. I have purposely made this scenario of the last few days very public here on this blog. I have come upon something within me that I see as weakness, and perhaps most people wouldn't expose. But I expect more of myself than what I have come to here in the last several days. I feel I can do anything, but I have wavered in this scenario. But the true test of a situation is not always just via your own heart and/or eye, but through the eyes of others - Friends, family, etc. And you all have been great, I asked for advice, and got it from every corner, and it was so helpful to hear that people are happy for me to be me, as I am, and happy with me. That it is not failure to leave early just a reaction to simple change. "You are NOT a failure if you never take out your stove or hammock or even do any walking!! The goal you went with was to help people in need, that you are succeeding at with flying colors." This message was throughout and means a lot to me. People who's opinions matter. This is what makes us all stronger - supporting each other, loving each other. By sharing the load, I have been able to shoulder the burden.

The essence of the dilemma as it seems, is that I have read and read, learned and learned, theory after theory, yet even as I "knew" things, seeing and being them is still different.

"With much learning comes little wisdom"
-Lao Zi

This trip has forced me to reassess my ideas on life and development. Ideals change with the introduction of new ones. This trip has taken a lot out of me, but it has added a lot as well. The final decision making on leaving early is that I think I need to sit down at a table, when 80% of my energy isn't spent on daily survival, and reform my strategic plan of action for making a difference. The concept I came with needs to be changed. Then I can come back and make things happen, working from a better gameplan with a more stable foundation.